all things ‘one’ – one poor baby

i guess its a thing that kids tend to get sick on their birthdays….

after being a total joy friday evening at dinner with the family, falling asleep in the car, and being peacefully transferred to his crib, dane woke up screaming in the middle of the night (which is rare) and felt really warm. i was somewhat in denial but began fearing exactly what was in store. he was sick. i rocked him, gave him some tylenol and put him back down. he slept fine through the rest of the night and took 2 perfectly timed naps saturday, the morning of his party. i thought we might be ok. he woke up right as guests were arriving. i brought him downstairs and the tears started. unfortunately there would be no shortage of tears for the remainder of the festivities. this picture makes me want to reach through my computer, scoop him up, and squeeze him tight … not a happy camper.

 

he still felt a little warm saturday afternoon, but i didn’t take his temp until the next morning. i guess i just didn’t want the thermometer to tell me he had a fever. what a terrible mom. i was just waiting for him to snap out of it and start romping around with the other babies like his normal, happy self. it didn’t happen. he didn’t play, he didn’t eat. the baby who will eat anything wouldn’t even touch the cake we sat him in front of and urged him to smash.

i suppose the lesson here is that some things are simply out of your control. while i am struggling with the disappointment and guilt of dane not being able to enjoy the birthday toys, treats, and party atmosphere, everything else went great. the weather was gorgeous. my house was filled with people i love and who love dane… lots of family and friends that i have known for 20+ years… some with babies just a few months younger than dane. it was a really special weekend. and i’d be lying if i said i didn’t enjoy the extra clingy and cuddly dane even if it was because he was feeling crumby.

there were a few smiles and moments of calm that i will try to keep with me when i look back on this party…

sunday morning i took his temp when he woke up.. 101. but after a laid back easter with my family and a fairly content baby, we thought we were out of the woods.

enter sunday night. dane woke up crying around 11pm and was crying and fussing on and off for the rest of the night. it was a horrible night. the worst since his newborn days…

monday i dragged myself to work and felt borderline incapable of functioning. i made him a dr. apt and left work around lunch time. i forgot what a truly sleepless night can do to you. i was a physical and emotional wreck. i felt so overwhelmed and defeated. baby is sick and i dont know what to do to help him. house is a mess and no energy to even begin to get it back together. my camera is dead and i can’t find the charger anywhere. (these pics are a combo of lizzy and iphone).

dane’s ears were “perfect” and the doctor wasn’t able to shed any light on what might be wrong. monday night dane slept ok, but was still off most of the day tuesday. during bath time we noticed a rash all over his body – nothing too severe – but faint little red spots all over his back and belly. he has been really irritable, lots of fussing and crying. food allergy? virus? there is something wrong, i just don’t know how to fix it.

last night he was hard to put down. he would arch his back and scream as i rocked him. the next day would be his official birthday. one full year of this bedtime routine.. 364 mornings of lifting him out of his crib (he spent one night at grandma’s).  i was sad for both of us that his birthday eve was an unpleasant  one. when he finally started to give-in, i put him in his crib then climbed in with him. he put his forehead against mine and his hand on my face and we fell asleep just as we did for the last time exactly one year ago. together.